


Cat Dads

by HidansCrazyLaugh



Category: Naruto
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Cats, Domestic Boyfriends, Fluff, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-05
Updated: 2019-10-05
Packaged: 2020-11-24 12:22:51
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,834
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20907602
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/HidansCrazyLaugh/pseuds/HidansCrazyLaugh
Summary: Sasori and Hidan find a litter of abandoned kittens in their backyard and decide to keep them.





	1. One

**Author's Note:**

> Reposted, original upload date: 2018-08-13  
I have decided to re-upload my work. I will not go into detail about why I took them all down. Please enjoy them.

By the time Hidan got home from work it was already dark out, and it had started to rain and was cold. He hung his jacket on the door knob when he got inside and looked around for Sasori. Usually he was in the living room with some tea, reading but a quick glance in showed no signs of anyone, though there was cup of tea on the coffee table, half empty.

"Honey, I'm home!" Hidan called out jokingly, "Where the fuck are you, you soulless little ginger?" Hidan checked the kitchen, the bedroom and lastly the bathroom, but Sasori was nowhere to be found. Starting to worry, he called out his name and then saw some lights in the backyard.

"What the fuck?" Had someone broken in while he was at work? Sasori wasn't helpless, but Hidan still worried so he grabbed the baseball bat and ran to the sliding door and flung it open.

"About time you got home. What are you doing with the bat?" Sasori asked, turning around and shining the flashlight from his phone on him, "Not trying to murder me I hope. I don't have that good of a life insurance policy anyways, you won't get much."

"What am I doing?! What the fuck are you doing? It's freezing out here! You're getting soaked! You don't even have a jacket on! Have you lost your damn mind?!" Hidan walked over to him, having left the bat at the door.

Sasori huffed and motioned for Hidan to follow him out into the far side of the yard where there were some bushes.

"What's out here?" Hidan asked as he caught up, "Sasori? Can't you say something! I'm talkin' to you!"

Sasori whirled around, "Shh! You loud mouth is going to scare them." He then crouched down and shined the light under the bushes, rain dripping from his hair, "Look under here."

Hidan wasn't sure what he was going to see, and just wanted his boyfriend to tell him, but he got down and looked anyways to see several pairs of little eyes shining back at him.

"Kittens?" He asked, looking at them, they were small and mewling as they huddled together, trembling from the cold. He looked around for the mother but didn't see her anywhere.

"I think the mother is either dead or abandoned them." Sasori said, knowing what Hidan was about to ask him.

"You want to bring them inside, right? They'll freeze to death out here if we don't."

Sasori rolled his eyes, "No, I brought you out here to see an adorable litter of kittens I have no interest in helping, let's leave them to die in the storm tonight...idiot."

Hidan gave him a shove and reached his hand towards them only to get bit, "Ow! Shit!"

"Stop shouting, you'll frighten them into the road." Sasori pushed Hidan aside, "Go in and get a box."

"You go get a box." Hidan mocked, "Fuck you, I aint your servant."

Sasori simply starred at him with emotionless eyes, "You want to get them inside before it starts raining harder? Go get a box."

There were five kitten in total, they had searched the rest of the yard to make sure they didn't miss any and to make sure none wandered away and then, as Sasori held the box close to his chest they hurried inside to get them warm and cleaned up. While Sasori was wiping the mud from their tiny paws and fur, he told Hidan to run to the pet store before it closed to get supplies. He took a quick picture of them on his phone to show the employees so they would know what he needed to get.

When Hidan returned with several bags full of kitten items, he found Sasori sitting in the middle of the bed, a blanket over his shoulders and the box of kittens in front of him.

"Did you get cat food?" Sasori asked.

"Not exactly…" Hidan kicked off his shoes and hung his jacket up, his hair was messy, dripping water down his face.

"Why not? We have cats and-"

"We have kittens, not cats, and the girl said they look to be about three weeks old so…" He reached into one of the bags he carried and pulled out a package of what looked like tiny baby bottles, "We have to feed them like this."

Sasori looked at the bottles, "What?"

"Yeah, it'll be fine, she said they can start being weaned after a week or so. You're on vacation and don't go back to work for two more weeks, imagine our luck. And I have tomorrow off, so I'll be able to help." Hidan removed his jeans that were wet at the ankles from walking through the parking lot and went into the bathroom to towel dry his hair and tossed his t-shirt on the floor.

"Are you ever going to learn to put your dirty clothes away properly?" Sasori shook his head as Hidan came back in nothing but his boxer shorts and jumped up onto the bed.

The kittens were being noisy, tiny mews coming from the box and he laughed at them, "They're so fucking cute! Hey. You dried your hair, right?" He reached out and ran his hand through Sasori's red hair, "Don't want you to get sick again...you're such a dick when you're sick."

"Yes, mother, I dried my hair, stop touching it." He shoved Hidan's hand away but a small smile curved the corners of his lips, "So, let's feed our new babies."

"Babies? Does this make us dads now?"

Sasori rolled his eyes, and watched Hidan open a bottle of 'Kitten Milk' which he guessed was formula for kittens, and start filling a bottle, it dripped down the side and onto the blanket and he held up his hand, "Stop. You're making such a mess."

"Just a little drip…"

"Give it to me." Sasori took the feeding bottle and kitten milk from him and made a face as Hidan licked his fingers.

"Shit that's nasty…"

"What did you expect?"

"I thought it would taste like milk…"

With a roll of his eyes, Sasori screwed the cap on and filled another bottle, "See? I didn't have to get milk everywhere."

"Well...you've got a steadier hand than I do."

"Here, start feeding them."

It took longer than they had expected to feed all five kittens. Sasori added several towels to the box for padding and warmth and then they looked around for a place to put them for the night. Agreeing on the side of the bed, Hidan leaned over and set the box gently on the floor and then wrapped his arms around his boyfriend, "You're cold."

"It's cold tonight." Sasori laid down and pulled the blankets up over them without pulling away from Hidan who giggled.

"It must be if you're not going to push me away."

Sasori shivered and pressed himself closer, "I don't push you away."

"Yeah, yeah, liar. Whatever, go the fuck to sleep, I'm tired. We're dads now, who knows what time the children will wake us at."

With a sigh, Sasori closed his eyes, enjoying the heat from Hidan warm him as he fell asleep, "They're not children..."


	2. Two

Hidan had wanted to immediately text everyone he knew and tell them about their new kittens, but Sasori had told him not to, warning him that not all of them may survive and to at least wait a week or even two.

Reluctantly, Hidan waited, and they were both so busy with the litter of kittens he didn't even have time to reply to most of his texts anyways. They had to be fed often and Hidan and Sasori's days and nights revolved around feeding and making sure the kittens were warm and safe and not escaping their box.

Two weeks later, when it was clear all the kittens would survive, a couple of them already rather chubby, Hidan texted everyone without any context or explanation, not even a picture, announcing that him and Sasori were now new fathers.

Kakuzu had replied, 'First, I don't pay you enough to be able to afford children. Second, with your backgrounds, the state would never give either of you permission to adopt."'

Deidara sent a keysmash and a ridiculous amount of question marks. To which Sasori replied that it was 'an aesthetically unpleasing keysmash and to send a better, more artful one next time.'

Kisame asked, 'Which one of you was pregnant?'

Itachi quickly followed with an apology and politely asked if they adopted a kid.

Konan asked for a picture of their new puppy.

Hidan sent them all a picture of him and Sasori holding all their kittens.

'So, you've become animal hoarders' Kakuzu said, 'Expensive. Maybe you need more hours at work.'

'Names?' Konan asked.

"Shit." Hidan looked at Sasori, "We haven't named them."

"Well...let's name them now." Sasori picked up the orange stripped tabby that had become his favorite, rubbing under it's chin and making it purr.

"So, this one." Hidan picked up the rolly polly gray tabby, "You can be Killer." With a nod, he set that one down and picked up another orange tabby but this one had a white face, belly and feet, "I'm gonna name you Hillside Strangler, we'll call you Strangler for short. And that one you have, Sasori, can be Dexter. Which one will be Charles?"

"Hidan, no!" Sasori shouted, grabbing the kitten from him, "We are not naming them after serial killers!"

"But-"

"That's seriously one of your less endearing traits."

"I'm _not_ a damn serial killer!"

"Which honestly surprises me given your obsession over them." Sasori shook his head, his red hair falling into his eyes which he pushed away.

"You don't like that?" Hidan pouted.

"No. Now, let's think of some better names." Sasori lifted the kittens he held up to eye level, "They're going to be beautiful, like art. So we should name them after famous artists. This one," he held up the orange tabby with the white face, belly and feet, "I think Botticelli suits you."

"Bottle-whats-it?" Hidan laughed, "I can't even remember that name. Next!"

"This is what I get for falling for a low life…"

"This is what I get for falling for some art professor!" Hidan stood, "Just name them cat names! Like Tom, Jerry, Mickey Mouse, Goofy."

"Only one of those was a cat, the rest were mice and no one even knows what Goofy was supposed to be."

"Fuck you. Goofy was a...shit, I don't even know." Hidan went into the kitchen and made coffee, "I have to go to work soon. Don't let any of them die while I'm gone!"

"None of them are going to die!" Sasori shouted back at him as the cats started crawling up onto his lap, purring and kneading his stomach. Before leaving the house, Hidan walked in and said goodbye to each kitten and then pat Sasori on the head, "You are going to lose that hand one day."

"Sure I will." Hidan smiled and kissed his boyfriend, "Have fun while I'm gone!"

That afternoon Kakuzu had called Hidan into his office. "Kittens, hm? I thought you were getting yourself into trouble again. I was worried." He had noticed Hidan acting strange for the last two weeks, coming in late, with dark circles under his eyes, irritable and not as productive as he usually was.

"I wasn't on drugs, Kakuzu! I was up several times a night feeding those little beasts."

"Did you two buy them?"

Hidan shook his head, "Sasori found them, that night it rained, the mother must have gotten killed or something."

"It's a big responsibility, they grow up into full sized cats, you need to take them to the vet, get collars for them, microchip them."

"Yeah, and what's your fucking point? You think we can't take care of them?! No, you probably think _I_ can't!" Everyone thought the worst of him, but he hadn't thought Kakuzu would, too. He had been the only one who had looked past his rough exterior and see something no one else seemed to be able to see inside of him. And that hurt, that Kakuzu of all people didn't think he could take care of some kittens.

"I didn't say that. They're not toys though, they're living things with needs. College professors don't make much, and I don't pay you a lot either."

With a sigh, Hidan sat on the edge of Kakuzu's desk, no one else would ever dare do such a thing, but Kakuzu let Hidan. Out of everyone in his company Hidan was his favorite, "You want to make me take more hours? At least I won't have to put them through school and buy diapers and food and clothes and shit."

"I thought of asking you to take more hours but no. But I decided to give you a raise. You've done well and haven't screwed anything up aside from that one time with the forklift…"

"Hey! I didn't know what I was doing! You took me for my word that I did!"

Rubbing his face, Kakuzu sighed, "Yes, Hidan, because you said you knew how to drive a forklift. That is why I hired you. I needed a forklift driver. Anyways." Kakuzu waved his hand, not wanting to get into yet another argument over whose fault it was (Hidan's, as he was the driver of the forklift, though strangely Kisame and Konan sided with Hidan claiming that Kakuzu should have asked for his forklift operator's license first), and went on, sliding Hidan's paycheck over to him, "I'm giving you a raise. It's not a lot, but it's something. Now get back to work before I rethink my decision."

Grabbing up his paycheck, Hidan looked at the total and grinned, "Wow, Kakuzu, how old are you now? Giving away your money like this? You're not dying are you?"

"No, but you might be if you don't get out of here."

Hidan could have kissed his boss but instead leaped off his desk and hurried out, "Wait till I show Sasori! Our kids are gonna have a better life than we did!"

When Hidan arrived home that night, he found Sasori sitting in bed reading a book with two of the kittens sleeping on him while the other three played with one of their toys on the bed beside him. When Sasori saw him walk past him to go into the bathroom, he set his book down, several brightly colored post it notes sticking out from spots on the book. And when Hidan came back in, dressed in his pajama pants and nothing else, Sasori patted the bed.

"Come sit down, we must name our pets."

Hidan sighed, he didn't want to do that.

"Konan suggested we get a baby name book, so that's what I did after you left for work." He showed Hidan the cover, '1,001 Baby Names For Your Bundle of Joy' and there was a ridiculous looking baby smiling up from it.

"Disgusting." Hidan sneered, thinking the baby had probably just shit its diaper before they took the picture, didn't babies smile after doing that? "Get it away from me."

Sasori just rolled his eyes and opened to a seemingly post-it note, "How about Vincent?"

"How about: No." Hidan snatched the book, "You're still trying to sneak in artist names. Yeah, I know Vincent Van Go."

"It's Van Gogh."

"How about Socks, Whiskers, Marmalade, and you come up with the other two?"

"Fine..." Sasori decided it wouldn't be fair to insist on artists names if he refused to allow Hidan to name them after serial killers. He thought about it for a minute then said, "Luna for the gray one and Tiddles is the orange one with the white face."

Hidan looked at his boyfriend for a moment, "Tiddles? That better not be some painter..."

"It's not. So, it's settled, you just decide who to give your names to."

Hidan got off the bed to shut off the light before getting under the blankets. He then leaned over, kissing Sasori lightly, "Good night. You're a pretty good dad, you know that?"

"You're not so bad yourself, but stop telling everyone we're dads."

"Nope, I'm gonna keep saying that." Hidan curled up next to to his boyfriend, "I'm glad we get to raise these kids together."

Sasori sighed, "Why do I feel like you would actually be good with a human child? Now just go to sleep already, I go back to work tomorrow."

Hidan gasped, as if he was offended, "Gross! I would not be!"

Annoyed by Hidan's continuous talking, even though he kept talking himself, Sasori turned around so they were facing each other and kissed Hidan, it was the only way to get him to shut up, "Good night."

"Mmm...good night..." Hidan snuggled up against Sasori while the kittens found their places by their feet.


End file.
